Father’s Day is tough for me and all who have lost their fathers. My dad passed away in 2008. I get a zillion e-mails on ways to make my dad happy on Father’s Day. Trust me, I wish I could send him some Omaha Steaks, or something, to see his smile or get a happy message from him. I would like nothing better. Sometimes, I am almost tempted to reply to one of these cheerful e-mails to remind them that not everyone can take advantage of their “generous” offers. Don’t worry I won’t…
Last year, I wrote 5 Things My Father Taught Me. It was about the things I learned from my dad’s actions.
This year I was thinking about the best advice my dad ever gave me. My dad used to say, “Almost doesn’t count except in horseshoes and hand grenades.” He used to say this when we were almost finished with something or we almost about to start. I try to remember his advice and get started, complete what I start and to try to do things as thoroughly as I can.
I decided to enlist my friends in getting some of the best advice they heard from their dads. I put a shout out on social media and the response was amazing and inspiring. Here is what I heard:
Love Your Life
Jeff’s dad told him, “Whatever you do every day, you have to enjoy doing it.” Jeff’s colleagues lucked out, because he shares his love of baking and cooking with them to make the work days more fun. They even have contests. Bravo, Jeff, in upping the everyday enjoyment factor.
When Anne was around 10 and faces some 5th grade bullying, her dad advised, “Life is too short to spend it crying.”
From comedian and actor Jim Carrey “You can fail at what you don’t want so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.” See his explanation here
I asked my oldest friend, Liz, and as she thought about it, I told her that from her dad I learned not too take yourself too seriously. I was a fixture in their household growing up and Liz’s dad, Mark, always had a great sense of humor and made us laugh and smile. I learned many valuable lessons with Liz’s family and am so grateful for that.
Practical and Valuable!
Finds’ friend and contributor, Don said, “This is so boring, but my dad told me to increase my 401K contribution by any raise I get to keep even cash flow so I don’t just spend my raise away. Also, to keep a budget.” We could all learn a few things from Don’s dad!
From the husband, “Never buy cheap tools.” And, “marry smart.” [He never said the latter, I just added that – ha ha!]
My cross country coach from high school weighed in. Coach Miller said his dad advised, “You can leave millions to your kids, and if they’re not careful they can blow it in no time. If you give them an education, no one can take that from them!” Second: “Don’t ever quit a job unless you have a better on to go to!” We were lucky that coach stuck with his teaching and coaching at our school for many years!
Deb says that her dad used to say, “No matter what there are two things you should never skimp on: your eyes and your feet.” Ironically, Deb had a stress fracture in her foot recently but I am sure she took good care of it!
Olivia said her dad’s advice is, “When you move into a new home, paint the insides of your closets before you put anything into them. You will never have those closets empty again and it will clean up and freshen the whole thing.” I agree and same with lining drawers and cabinets.
Lindsay said her dad said, ”The squeaky wheel gets the most oil. “ He told her that at a relatively young age and from then on she figured the worst people can say is “No.” True, true!
Sara said, “the best advice my dad gave is ‘always be able to support yourself, that way, you never NEED to rely on anyone else. ‘ I have always kept that in the back of my head in all decisions I have to make.” My mom gave me that advice and I agree it is solid!
Susannah said her dad (who was also a professor at our College) said, “it’s better to know what you can’t do, than what you can do.” She added that this was “in the context of the decision that his PhD in Political Science does not qualify him to build a tree house for his granchildren. We are all glad that he recognized his limitations!” and he also said “Always buy [cheap cars] so no one will steal them.” True, True! We had to live with that advice in college when her Escort’s horn was on a rampage in the parking lot!
Jay says that his dad’s wise advice was, “When in a dispute with the Mrs., Keep your mouth shut. Walk away.” He said it on Jay’s wedding video. Well, Jay, I know this has served you well!
Work Hard
Katie said, “My dad never let me give up and led by example to teach me my work ethic. It’s invaluable!” That is so true and a sentiment shared by many!
@EAgran “Do whatever [activities] you like, but be sure to do them the best you can. Don’t do anything halfway.” Truly words to live by.
— Amanda Nyx (@FitNyx) June 12, 2014
Annabelle’s dad told her, “Try again.” Given Annabelle’s persistence, I know she took this advice to heart!
Corien said her dad led by example and showed that if you do something, you should do it right. “No half assed work!”
Sapna said, “this is less about advice that my Dad gave me and more about his actions. I watched my Dad work hard to come to this country with nothing and build a life for himself and his family without EVER once hearing a complaint. I admire my Dad so much for that and the strong work ethic he has built into my brother and me through his actions.” I agree. Actions speak louder than words especially when it comes to hard work!
Montana’s dad said, “Don’t focus on numbers, focus on consistency. If you’re consistent with your study/training, the numbers will be there in the end.” More solid advice!
Jenni said the best advice she got from her dad was “Never half-ass anything. You don’t deserve what you don’t work for. Work hard, get it done and then go play.” I like that he remembered the play, too!
“Off the Record”
A good friend told me “off the record” that two things stand out for her. Her dad told her, “Sometimes it’s ok to lie a little” (after she was pulled over and taken to police station) and “It’s ok to let guys pay / take you out.” He’s not wrong!
Kimberly said, “this may be kind of out of context, but dad once told me ‘not to do anything I would regret in the morning.’ It came from a loving place and is really good advice.” Again, he is not wrong! I think this is advice we should all keep in mind every day!
Lucia said, “My dad told me that if I don’t want anybody to know about something then don’t write it down.” Ironically, she also added, “Here I am… writing about most everything. I guess I tie it to my belief that ‘you’re only as sick as your secrets.’ Also, he said, “Never go to bed angry with someone you love.” She realizes now as an adult is that, “only I can control if *I’m* the one angry or not.” So true! Lucia’s grown a lot since we used to take gym class together!
You Can Do It!
Elaine said, “For my entire life [my dad] told me I could do anything. It was wonderful to have someone instill that at any early age and reinforce it all through my life.”
Sheetal said, “My dad did a lot of things to give me confidence. One that sticks out is that he would have me make inquiry phone calls for him. This was the days of Yellow Pages. I would have to look up a business, and ask questions. Small things like calling the Woodlane Pharmacy about passport photos. Or asking the local roofer to come out and give us an estimate. I find myself doing this now with my 11 year old!! It’s much easier for her she just Googles everything.” I think Sheetal should make her daughter CALL places. That is a confidence builder still!
Erika said her dad said, “When life gets overwhelming, remember it’s like a marathon: all you can do is take it one step at a time and keep moving forward.” Great advice and apropos of something for Erika (and many of us!)
Tiffany’s dad said, “If you don’t like the rules, break them. If you can’t break them, change them.” She added, “What a maverick. “ LOL. I agree but that is great advice!
Emily’s dad told her, “You can be anything you want to be.”
Be YOU!
@EAgran Always be yourself. There’s only one you and that YOU is pretty darn special. #lovemydad — Amanda Rem. (@Momwhotris) June 12, 2014
Be a Good Person and Lead by Example
Dave Z. told me that as his dad’s health was failing that he thought about what he told him when he was a little boy. He recalls that his dad said, “Live your life however you want, but remember to treat people the way you want to be treated,” “Find a woman as nice as your Mother,” “Havw ‘good character’ because that’s what others will see in you and be ‘honorable’ because that’s what you’ll see in yourself” and “The greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love their Mother.” I wish I had met Dave’s dad, but knowing Dave, I know he takes his dad’s advice to heart.
Marie said that her dad used to say, “Be honest to yourself and to others.” Knowing Marie for more than a decade, I know she follows this advice!
Krystal said her dad used to tell her that “being on time is being five minutes early. Never make someone wait for you.” This was one that I love. I hate lateness – mine and others!
Janet’s dad used to say, “It is nice to be important but it is more important to be nice.” Very true.
Deep Thoughts
Emily R.’s father told her, “The answer is in the question.” She said, “I have used his advice throughout my life!” I replied, “Now to think of the right question!” and she said, “Yes, therein lies the challenge. My dad likes a good puzzle. However, often I have found that if I think about what question is being asked/I am asking, the answer can be revealed more quickly than if I struggle with looking only at the answer. Heady stuff!” True, true.
Charlotte’s dad, who was a noted British journalist and critic said, “It takes more courage to say you like something than to say you don’t.” Love this one. It is so easy to point out the negative. Interesting for a critic!
Shona’s dad offered good advice about making decisions. He said, “The path you choose is irrelevant. It’s what you make of that path afterwards which turns it into the right decision.” Wow. That is great advice.
Farrah paraphrases since her dad said this in Cantonese: “You have a tendency to sacrifice what you want in favor of what you know will make the people you love happy, and it’s great that you care so much about other people, but it puts you in a position where people can easily take advantage of you. Make sure you don’t ever compromise the things that you believe in for the sake of someone else’s happiness.”
Adrian says if his daughter could learn one thing from him, he’d like it to be “To look/search in life for the moments without thought. Beyond even the present.”
Choose [Your Spouse] Wisely (a/k/a Marry a Guy Like Dear Old Dad!)
Candice’s dad once told her, “Don’t depend on a man, have a career, and take care of yourself.” Luckily she can take care of herself AND found a great man. A win-win and great advice.
Cary (and Anne) said her dad’s sage advice was, “Don’t marry a guy unless he treats you as good as/better than your old man.”
Kathryn said the best advice she heard from her dad was, “Marry somebody like me, because that way I’ll know that you’ll be taken care of. “ She adds, “I’m glad I listened to him.” I am sure he is, too!
From the Old School
Mary R.’s dad was a bit old school and said, “Do what your told to do, when your told to do it, how your told to do it!” That advice has served her well. I told her that her Millennial sons could benefit from that one!
Lauren’s dad (also in the old school and our college landlord) said, “Quit your bitching and moaning. Nobody likes a complainer.” I can totally see him saying this and he’s not wrong!
All You Need is Love
Cristin’s said her dad (a/k/a her “old hippy”) said told her, “All we need as a world is love. And not romantic love, but respect , understanding, and appreciation.”
Many thanks to all who contributed! I am blown away by the response and the great advice.
What is the best advice your dad ever gave you? Please leave it in the comments. Happy Father’s Day to all of the great dads out there.