I Need a “Should-less” Day (or Two)

September is a crazy busy month for me. My work requires a bunch of travel in September. Plus, this year we had two weddings and I have a conference (for fun). I’ve been out of town more nights than I’ve been home. By the 30th, I’ll be away more than half the month. I’ve been pretty stressed and overwhelmed. The good news is that the weddings were great and all of our travels have been easy and smooth. I’ve been trying to take each trip/meeting one at a time and am doing the best I can.

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Recently, I was reminded of a great idea that I heard in the Death, Sex and Money podcast. The episode from 2014 with Ellen Burstyn was entitled “Ellen Burstyn’s Lessons on Survival.” Ellen Burstyn is still working hard at 81 years old. She also says that she’s “still learning.” The whole podcast is well worth a listen, but I was reminded of her concept of a “should-less” day.

Here is the excerpt on “should-less” days:

Q – And when you come to a day off after many days of working, what do you do?

[EB] I’m very lazy. I have what I called should-less days. Today is a day where there’s nothing I should do. So I only do what I want to do. And if it’s nap in the afternoon or watch TV, and eat ice cream, I get to do it. I had that kind of day yesterday.

Should-less. I like that.

[EB] Should-less days, I recommend them. Because, what I figured out is we have wiring. I have wiring in my brain that calls me lazy, if I’m not doing something. God you’re so lazy—can’t imagine whose voice that is? And that wiring is there. I haven’t been able to get rid of it. But what I can do is I can put in another wiring, I can put in should-less days, so when that voice goes off and says you’re being lazy, I turn to the other wiring in my brain that says, no, this is a should-less day, and I’m doing what I want.

I love this idea. As you may guess, I have a hard time implementing it. That said, yesterday was partially should-less for me. I ran a mile less than was on my plan and took some breaks in my long run because I needed to. I didn’t let the “should” do this get in my way. I know a mile doesn’t sound like much, but I listened to my body and took extra rest. I then skipped a yoga event that I had paid for (at a discount of course) because I was really tired. I went down town carrying my yoga mat, ran an errand, detoured to Whole Foods and came home. I battled the idea that I “should” go to check out the event because it seemed really cool, was a nice day AND I paid for it. I came home and took a nap instead.

Yesterday was not the perfect “should-less” day, but it was a start!  You can also check out my post Don’t Should Yourself – A Stress Management Tip or Erin’s 4 Signs You Need to Slow Down.

What do you do when you need a break or feel stressed? Have you tried a “should-less” day?