This post has been percolating in my brain for a while. Yesterday, I saw a news story on advice stars would give to their younger selves. Then, I read an article by my fave Lauren Fleshman in Runner’s World entitled “Take it From Me: Listen to the advice from the best coaches in the biz – like I didn’t.” It seems like kismet or something, so I decided to write this post that I have been thinking about. I have also been thinking about a #dearme letter, but that one may be too personal to share. I might write that one for self development. I’ll let you know.
10 Tips I Would Give My Younger Self
1. It is not all about you. 99% of the time another person’s reaction (good or bad) to you has something to do with him/her. So, don’t take it personally. Be your best you and give others the benefit of the doubt.
2. You are not stuck. Being complacent is a choice. Hate your job? Speak up with constructive suggestions to make it better or work to find a new job. In a relationship or friendship that is one sided? Break up or move on. I am not suggesting that this is easy. It is not, but it is possible.
3. He doesn’t notice the 5 pounds you agonize over. And if he does, he may not be the right guy for you. Your guy likes confidence. He doesn’t notice the love handle that you point out (until you point it out.) Don’t point it out. Show off your good parts. Work on your tough spots. Wear it all proudly. [I still work on this one. I would also tell me never to go on that first diet, too, because I was not “fat.” That is a whole topic in and of itself.]
4. Never say never. I was never planning to run an ultramarathon or to give up bread… or to [insert thing here.] You never know what life will bring. And, if you don’t try things you’ll never know what is possible.
5. It doesn’t hurt to ask. Since starting this blog, I have asked for products and invites. I have asked people to write for me or to write for them. I have asked for paid jobs and freebies. I get some “no” responses, but I get many more “yes” responses. And, a little rejection doesn’t kill you!
6. Don’t just complain, bring solutions. I can get stuck in the details and problems. I can be a negative Nellie. I learned in consulting early in my career that no one wants to hear complaints all of the time and your boss expects ideas for solutions to the issues. The one caveat – sometimes your friends or spouse just want you to listen, not to advise or judge. In that case, practice empathy (and listen!)
7. Pick your battles. Everything is not a crisis or worth a fight. Ask yourself, “is this worth being mad about?” If it is, then fight. If not, let it go. Along with this, always try to take the high road. If someone fights dirty, stay fair.
8. Say thank you, give abundant compliments and show gratitude every day. Happiness IS a choice. Make it.
9. Ask for help. You don’t expect other people to do things single handed or without experience, why should you? Ask for help. Be helpful in return. It feels good to be asked for help and to give it. It can be uncomfortable to ask for help but it is great to receive it.
10. Start now – not tomorrow or Monday or on the 1st or on New Year’s Day. There is never a right time to make a change, start a good habit or quit a bad one. I wish I was never guilty of eating a whole bag of candy so that I have none left when I give up candy starting tomorrow. Telling yourself you’ll start later is an excuse to continue what you want to change now. Start small, go stepwise, just start!
Ten was totally arbitrary and I have many more pieces of advice for younger me. Number 11 could be “don’t set arbitrary limits.” That is enough for now.
What would you add to this list for me or to your younger self?
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