Turning the Frown(ing Thoughts) Upside Down

I did my first 20 mile run for my New York Marathon training last Sunday and around mile 15 I was beset with doubts and negative thoughts. It was far… and harder than I expected.. and maybe I was not in such great shape after all…

This week, I came across a(nother) great post from Kristen Armstrong’s Mile Markers on Runners World that talked about rising to a challenge by “recasting” it. She talks about helping her struggling 5th grader with her math homework and all of the negative comments she is making (i.e., “I stink at math”, “this is too hard”, etc.) After getting fed up with that, she changes direction.

She writes:

“I asked her if she ever spoke to her body like that in sports, before a game or a race – I suck. I’ll never make it. We’re definitely going to lose. She laughed and said, “No, I would never do that.” But honey, you’re doing the same thing to your brain when you talk to yourself like that. If you talk to your body like it’s a loser, you’ll lose. If you talk to your brain like it’s a failure, you’ll fail. Aha. She got it.

So we worked on some rephrasing techniques. At first she was laughing and eye-rolling a bit – I expected that – but at the same time she wanted more. We worked the flashcards, making a pile of easy and a pile to go back to. And meanwhile every time she said a negative comment, I made her stop and rephrase it.

“Ugh, I suck at math!” became “This is tough, but I’m working on it.”
“I got this one wrong again!” became “Whoops. I’ll probably get it next time since I don’t give up.”
“I can’t do this.” became “Okay, here I go.”

A dismal evening took a turn in the right direction. Even if some of our rephrasing was silly and over the top, her mindset was shifting – and that was my entire point. Responding to difficulty with “I love a challenge” is a far more important fact to remember than 12×12=144.

It sounds cheesy and simple, to rephrase your words in such a positive way. If you think this is just for a 10-year-old girl, all rainbows and unicorns, think again. The next time you are up against something difficult – maybe trying something new, or facing off with an old foe challenge – listen to yourself. What are the words you write on the blackboard of your mind? What familiar tape do you pop in, telling yourself the same old thing?

Wednesday morning I had 3 400’s left to go in our relay style workout on the grass. The temperatures were climbing fast, I was red-faced, seeing stars and sweating so much I was soggy and my fingertips were pruned. I am not used to Texas yet, not one bit. I told myself there was no way I was going to make it, 3 more was just too hard, I’m not acclimated to the heat, I might pass out, I’m not in shape for this. I need to go now.

Wait a minute… The irony of the teacher being schooled was not lost on me. I needed a little rephrasing of my own. It’s a damn good thing I love a challenge. I told myself, over and over, for 1200 more meters. I finished.

I do, after all, love a challenge. Not just the result at the end, but the drudgery in the middle, the hard work, the sweat, the mess of transformation. I love the process of getting there, especially when “there” isn’t a fixed point, but the constant renaming as each finish line morphs into another start line.”

I really LOVED this post and will try to remember this advice on my next long run, or race and just in general. I know rationally that most successes are self made and start with thinking you can do it… many failures are also self made by convincing yourself that you will fail.

I found some great links on stopping negative self talk and visualizing success:

From Mind Body Green – 4 Ways to Stop Negative Self Talk. I especially like “Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your best friend.”
– In this blog post on managing stress, Maureen from Ryan Wellness Coaching talks about visualizing success and using mantras to remind herself that she can do it, “ I like to have a mantra or saying to keep me going when that moment of challenge appears. If self doubt creeps in, I pull out a personal mantra, song lyric or saying to keep me going and feeling confident.
– Pick the Brain has a great post on How to Be More Positive Every Day. It has some great suggestions and links to more resources on “reframing” your thoughts.

What are your techniques for catching yourself when thinking self-defeating thoughts? How do you turn “this stinks” into “I can do anything”? Any suggestions? I am running another race this weekend. I will let you know how I do (with the thoughts — and probably with the race, too!)