Comparison is the Thief of Joy – A Few Finds to Grow On

I was reading an awesome post by Kristen Armstrong in Runner’s World Mile Markers called “The Thief”. In this post she talks about coming across the Theodore Roosevelt quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy” in a shop and her thoughts about it. She writes,

Think of all the ways we compare ourselves.

Someone else may…

Be better looking, younger (or look it), funnier, smarter, more creative, more successful, skinnier, faster, stronger, healthier, more flexible, have more curves, have less curves, be a more present parent, have a more interesting career, be more well read, well educated, well traveled, have better skin, more fabulous hair, cooler clothes, look better in the clothes, have more endurance, have a better marriage, have more well mannered children, have more confidence, longer eyelashes, straighter teeth, no cellulite, a more envious lifestyle, have more freedom, have more adventures, go on more vacations, have more friends, have a more connected/healthy/supportive family, have more sitters, have better boundaries, have more spending money, have more free time, have more discipline, more experience, more willpower, more connections, more energy, more courage, more sex, more fun…more….

I could spend more time on that list, but that would require more coffee, and I stop at one cup. You get the picture. Enough already. Think (hard) and get real honest about the comparisons you make. Put them in your journal if you are feeling shy. Or talk about them on your long run this weekend, if you are feeling bold. The more aware we are of our tendency to compare, the more adept we will become at recognizing it, and eventually Stop. Doing. That.

Comparison is a thief. Let’s stop handing the sneaky little b**** our house key, alarm code and the combination to our safe.”

In the comments on the page was a link to another great article on this topic by Danielle La Porte. She offers some great advice on handling this issue:

“So here’s the freedom-generating habit to stop comparing and to melt envy: 1. When you’re tempted to compare yourself to others, stave off the comparing by feeling your way into your dream. Rather than comparing, imagine. Imagine yourself feeling the way you want to feel – successful, brilliant, artistically free, earthy, healthy, connected. That’s it. You’re not making yourself less than or more than anyone else – you’re simply giving yourself permission to want what you want. 2. Bless the people you feel envious of – the rich, skinny, in-love, confident, powerful people. Quicker than you can say “I wish I had that…,” say to yourself, or even better, to them, “Way to go…you look great…I admire you.” With envy out of the way, you’ll have more space for your own greatness to step forward.”

Great advice but easier said than done! I am going to try number 2 especially!

I also found a link to a guest post on Carrots and Cake from Robin at the Balanced Life Online She’s a full-time Pilates trainer with a passion for helping women keep a healthy perspective as they pursue a healthy lifestyle. She wrote a great post called Comparison is the Thief of Joy: Thoughts on Social Media. It always seems like (most) people show only the fun and good times on social media channels like Facebook. It is easy to feel envious or even left out when everyone is having fun or seems to be doing what you want to do. Robin had some great thoughts and advice:

“How many times have you found yourself sitting at your computer wishing you had something that someone else had?

It’s so easy to compare and feel second rate. The comparison can subtly seep in day after day, status update after status update.

I think those of us who love health and fitness have to be especially aware of this temptation to compare. There will always be someone who has lost more weight, run more races or cooked better meals. Trying to keep up is a slippery slope that leads to unhappiness.

It’s not a bad thing to post about the things you love and the things you’re proud of, but it’s important to become aware of how much you let others’ online images affect you. Beyond the screen we’re all real people with real lives, boring days, missed workouts and messy closets.

A few ideas:

– Recognize what your “hot button” comparison items are (looks, bodies, houses, careers, families, money, etc.).
– Stop reading the messages that don’t build you up. Remove them from your daily life. Unfriend, unfollow, do what you need to do to avoid the temptation to obsessively compare.
– Find people to follow, things to watch and blogs to read that inspire you, leave you feeling good and help you become a better version of YOU.
– Become more aware of your thought life. Every time you find yourself wishing you could be more like (fill in the blank), recognize it and decide to let it go. If you’re not afraid of feeling cheesy, develop a positive mantra for when those negative thoughts arise. i.e.: “It’s better to be a first rate version of myself than a second rate version of someone else.”
– Be an example. Keep it real in your own life. Don’t worry so much about the image you project and just BE YOU and be proud of the unique individual you are and the beautifully unique life that you live.”

There are so many blog posts and articles on this topic. This is not my most original post! I just can’t help thinking about it. It is something many of us can relate to. I try my best to be grateful for what I have and also try to follow people that inspire me and make me strive to be better.

What do you do to fight this thief?